How to Tell Your Kids About Divorce: Three Steps to Support Them

I can still remember the scene when my parents told me. I was 14 and just getting home from school. Our counseling pastor from church was sitting on the couch (this was my first hint that this would not be a normal afternoon) and both of my parents were waiting there with serious looks on their faces. I knew they had been going through troubles (my dad had been on the couch for 2 months) but I was not prepared for what came next. When my brothers came home and sat down my dad finally choked out “Mom and I are getting a Divorce”.

21 years later, the impact of these words and what followed still impacts my life. From the way that I talk to my own children about their grandparents to how we plan family travel. It is also a major influence on my career and why I am passionate about supporting families during this monumental shift in their lives.

One of the most difficult parts for parents as they approach divorce is figuring out how to talk to their kids about the changes ahead. Children often worry they are somehow to blame, or that their world will completely change overnight. How you communicate can make a lasting difference in how they adjust.

At Constellation Therapy, our “What Will We Tell the Kids?” workshop helps parents align on what to say, how to say it, and how to support their children through this transition. Here are three key steps we guide parents through during the workshop:

1. Be Clear About What Will Change—and What Won’t

Children feel safest when they know what’s staying the same and what is changing. In the workshop, parents learn how to communicate these changes concretely:

• Living arrangements or routines that will shift

• Consistent parts of daily life, like school, friendships, or bedtime rituals

Being specific helps children understand that while some things will be different, much of their world will remain stable.

2. Make Sure Kids Know It’s Not Their Responsibility

Children often blame themselves for their parents’ divorce. Our workshop helps parents explain clearly that the decision to separate is an adult choice and has nothing to do with the child:

• “Mom and Dad decided to live in different homes. This is not because of anything you did.”

• “This is our choice as parents, and we both love you very much.”

Reinforcing this helps reduce guilt and anxiety for children.

3. Reinforce Love and Open Communication

Children may experience sadness, confusion, or anger. The workshop teaches parents how to validate these feelings while maintaining open communication:

• “It’s okay to feel upset or angry. You can always talk to me about it.”

• “I love you no matter what, and I’m here to support you through this.”

This reassurance builds emotional safety and helps children feel understood and cared for.

How Our Workshop Helps

The “What Will We Tell the Kids?” workshop gives parents practical tools, guided support, and space to align as co-parents before talking to their children. Parents leave the workshop with:

• A clear plan for communicating with their children

• Confidence in handling difficult questions and emotions

• Strategies for ongoing co-parent support

Parents can attend this workshop as a stand-alone resource, or continue working with our therapists for additional guidance and support. We also offer a weekly divorce support group called Wayfinders that helps with continues guidance after the initial conversation.

Get Started

If you’re a parent navigating divorce and want guidance on how to talk to your kids, our “What Will We Tell the Kids?” workshop is a supportive, practical place to start.

Contact us today at trevor@constellationtherapyseattle.com, or visit our website to learn more and register for upcoming sessions in Seattle.