When Norwegian biathlete Sturla Holm Lægreid won bronze in the men’s 20km individual event, the focus should have been on athletic excellence. Instead, the moment went viral for something else: in a post race interview, he publicly admitted to cheating on his girlfriend, calling her “the love of my life” and expressing deep regret.

Soon after, the woman at the center of that declaration responded publicly, sharing that it was hard to forgive and making clear that she did not want this personal matter aired in front of the world.

As a Marriage and Family Therapist who specializes in infidelity recovery and relational trauma, I see this dynamic often, just without the Olympic stage. What may look like vulnerability or accountability from the outside can actually function as a further breach of trust.

And trust is the first and most fragile casualty of infidelity.

Infidelity Is a Trust Injury

Affairs are not just about sex or secrecy. They are about broken agreements and shattered expectations. When infidelity is discovered, the hurt partner experiences trauma. With it come the following symptoms:

• Hypervigilance

• Intrusive thoughts

• Emotional dysregulation

Trust is not simply achieved by forgiving and moving on. It is rebuilt slowly through consistent, predictable, attuned behavior.

The first phase of healing is stabilization. Not grand gestures, not emotional speeches, not public redemption arcs.

Stability.
Consistency.
Safety.

Why Public Disclosure Can Be a Second Betrayal

When someone who has cheated chooses to disclose the affair publicly, especially without explicit consent, it can create what I often call a secondary injury.

Here is why.

Infidelity already involves secrecy and unilateral decision making. The betraying partner acted alone. They controlled information. They controlled timing. They controlled reality.

When that same partner then decides to reveal intimate details in a public forum, they are once again controlling the narrative.

Even if the intention is remorse.
Even if tears are genuine.
Even if the declaration includes “I love her.”

Trust rebuilding requires demonstrating that you can now act with your partner, not around them.

A public confession, made independently, can reinforce the very dynamic that caused the rupture in the first place.

Accountability Is Not Performance

In my work with couples at Constellation Therapy, we differentiate between true accountability and relief seeking behavior.

True accountability sounds like:
“What do you need?”
“How can I repair this in a way that feels safe for you?”
“I will follow your lead on what is shared and with whom.”

Relief seeking behavior sounds like:
“I just needed to get this off my chest.”
“I had to tell the truth.”
“I wanted everyone to know how much I regret it.”

Confession can relieve guilt.
Repair requires rebuilding trust.

Those are not the same thing.

If the hurt partner did not want this shared publicly, the disclosure, no matter how emotional, becomes another moment where their needs were not prioritized.

That is not trust building.
That is another unilateral move.

Trust Is Built Quietly

Rebuilding trust after infidelity rarely looks dramatic.

It looks like:
Answering the same painful questions repeatedly without defensiveness.
Being transparent in structured, agreed upon ways.
Following through consistently over time.
Making joint decisions about privacy and disclosure.
Tolerating shame without rushing toward redemption.

Trust grows through predictability, humility, and attunement, not spectacle.

Public vulnerability may win headlines. But private consistency rebuilds relationships.

If You Are the Partner Who Cheated

Pause before any major disclosure.

Ask:
Is this something we decided together?
Does this help my partner feel safer?
Or does this help me feel better?

If you truly want to rebuild trust, your job is not to manage your image. It is to create safety.

And safety is built in collaboration.

If You Are the Hurt Partner

If something was shared without your consent, it makes sense if it feels like another rupture.

You are not obligated to participate in anyone’s public apology.
You are not required to match their timeline for reconciliation.
You are not responsible for helping them feel redeemed.

Your healing deserves to be paced around your nervous system, not someone else’s discomfort.

Infidelity recovery is possible. I see couples rebuild stronger, more intentional relationships every year. But the cornerstone of that rebuilding is trust, and trust is not rebuilt through public declarations.

It is rebuilt through steady, relational, consent based repair.

Healing after betrayal is not about who says the most moving thing.

It is about who shows up differently, consistently, privately, and with the hurt partner’s safety at the center.

For more support in your healing journey, reach out and get scheduled with a member of our therapeutic team.